There have been so many changes in the rules and the playing field for single women in the past half century, it doesn’t come as a surprise that many women are frustrated and confused about meeting men. Regardless of age, in order to successfully meet someone, the contemporary, single woman needs to feel comfortable with themselves, have a good understanding of guys and have a willingness to put themselves ‘out there’.
There’s a million sources of advice on dating, but its important to acknowledge, that what someone wants out of a relationship differs for each person. To add to the complexity, what a person wants may change over time. This depends on experience, age, as well as the journey they have taken to become who they are. Every woman has a right to make their own choices when it comes to exploring relationships, but here are a few ideas that may help you to find success in meeting someone.
It’s your social life; take control of it!
Hope all you want, but there is very little possibility that an attractive, single man with a good job is going to randomly arrive on your doorstep, romance you and give you a ‘happily ever after’ unless you do at least some of the work! You’ll need to make yourself accessible (no one can romance you if they never get to meet you), and make some kind of an effort. Think about going out more often or going to outings that may have a decent amount of interesting men. Consider taking advantage of the popularity of internet dating. If you want to find happiness you need to actively go looking for it!
Be patient; it may take some time…
These things usually take time, so don’t expect to meet your dream partner the first week you start looking! Your best bet to find the right person is to meet and get to know lots of different people. Its very likely that you will meet lots of guys that are not ideal for you. This is to be expected, so please don’t be disappointed when this occurs. Consider it a process of elimination where each man you who is wrong for you, brings you a little closer to finding your soulmate. Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes, and don’t beat yourself up about it if you occasionally use poor judgement. Think about your errors and learn from them so you don’t repeat them. And never give up!
Think carefully about want you really need and want.
When you were a teenager, the things that would draw you to a partner were probably somewhat different than what you find attractive when you’re a little (or alot) older. Have a good, long think about what you really want. Maybe its already right in front of you; even if its not, thinking about it will help you recognize it when you come across it. Do you really still want the angry, moody, wounded type you liked in your teens? Or the super-sexy male bimbo (himbo) that can barely string a sentence together? Even if you’re physically attracted to this kind of guy, consider if he is what you need/want/deserve at this stage in your life? Think about the possibilities for a future and imagine yourself and your potential mate 5, 10, and 20 years down the line… Ask yourself if you’re looking for something long-term or just for a little bit of fun while you look for something more solid? Its ok to something short term (or even just one night), as long as you’re honest with yourself about it.
Make the most of what you have.
Many women are highly critical of their own appearance. Nobody is perfect and the vast majority of men don’t actually expect their partners to look like film stars or supermodels. People have an astonishing degree of variety in what attributes they find physically attractive or sexually exciting. Even the harshest self-critic can admit they have certain parts that are well above average. Maybe you’ve never said it out loud but you know you have awesome hair, sexy lips, gorgeous eyes or a pretty nose. It might be your sense of fashion and style, your great legs, your gravity defying breasts or even your pretty feet. If you don’t think there is anything extraordinary about yourself, ask some of your friends what they think you’ve got ‘going on’. Focus on accentuating your best bits.
You should also spend some dedicated time to do some regular, basic grooming and make an effort to improve on areas where you’re not satisfied with yourself. Hit the weights at the gym a few times a week or go for a run; exercise will make you look and feel better. Bathe every day, and be aware of the state of your personal hygiene. Think about doing some things you might not already do in your grooming routine. While there are lots of men who like (or don’t mind) hairy legs, there are a great may more who prefer a woman with shaved legs (and other parts 🙂 ). Talk to your fashion conscious friends, and ask them to be honest and tell you which outfits are not fetching or where you could approve your appearance or hygiene. Friends who are supportive are great most of the time, but in this case you need the friends who will tell you the hard truth… listen to them!
Take the initiative and stick your neck out a little!
You don’t have to sit and wait for a guy in this day and age. If you are interested in a man, consider making the first move. It’s not like you need to run across the room and leap into his lap (although this may also be an effective tactic), but its easy for you to provide him with an opening and a little encouragement to books his courage. Start by putting yourself somewhere in his proximity. Why not make a casual remark: ‘Excuse me, can you please pass me the salt (or a straw or a napkin or anything else)’ or ‘this place is packed here tonight; I wish I could get the bartenders attention to buy a drink’. If a guy is reasonably confident and interested, he’ll jump on this kind of opening to make a conversation. If he doesn’t, at least you gave it a shot!!
If you feel bold and are OK with being a bit more direct in your approach, just walk up to him and say ‘hi’. Then introduce yourself, tell him you thought he looked or sounded interesting because of something he said or his great outfit, talk for a bit, then make an excuse to go (‘I have to get back to my friends, it was nice meeting you’) and leave. The next move will be up to him, if he’s into you and available…
Just be yourself..
If you’re meeting new guys, don’t give into the temptation to misrepresent yourself. Don’t try to be or sound cooler than you actually are, don’t try to act smarter than you are or dumb yourself down. Don’t fabricate interests you don’t actually have. You should be your true self, the real you, otherwise any relationship is pretty much doomed from the start. Be patient, be yourself, and you’ll find him eventually.
In the meantime, play safe and enjoy the ride!!